On New Year’s Eve, I sent my sister, Caitlin, the following text:
“I’ve already had a new year revelation! So many people that I’ve considered to be merely acquaintances were/are actually friends! I’ll need to be more intentional this year about not categorizing relationships in that way.”
It’s a natural tendency to categorize relationships into different tiers, but I take it one or two steps too far.
Mentally, I place people in boxes labeled “friend,” “friend-of-friend,” or “acquaintances,” and let them remain in there. There’s nothing wrong with that, I suppose, as long as you’re not putting people into the wrong box and/or letting them stay in their original box for too long…
…which is exactly what I’ve done many times.
Throughout my life, many individuals have showed up for me in a variety of ways, but I didn’t have the eyes to see it for what it was. I understand now that what I often mistook for general kindness was actual very intentional kindness. Here are two very random examples:
Someone once asked to meet at Horizon Line just so they could say, “If you ever need anything, I’m happy to help however I can.” While this was said in a professional sense, I believe they meant it personally, as well.
As I was leaving a dinner party, the host pulled me aside and said, “You’re welcome to stop by for a drink whenever you’re free. Even if it’s just for thirty minutes — our door is always open!” That’s the kind of statement you dream of hearing, you know?
People have often wanted to move our relationship from the acquaintance box to the friendship box, but I wasn’t always open to it because I was so focused on my cerebral categories. Bad move, Evan! I missed out on a lot of connection because of that mentality.
I want to be more open to the natural progression of relationships. The fact of the matter is that when you put people into specific boxes, it’s difficult for them to ever leave that box.
Especially when you’re the only person who knows the box exists!1.
I hope this box metaphor wasn’t too repetitive!
I love this!